going home

Date: Saturday, October 22, 2005
Time: 6:24:00 PM

blogging again...

things have been happening and i find myself dumb and stupid being stuck in the situation whereby i can do little or nothing to change them. and i particularly dun like the feeling of being helpless. somehow i oso came to realise that this is jus another inevitable process of life. screwing up with people is something that we can never avoid.
people are different and sometimes we juz can't expect people around us to think the same. by doing that i will do myself no good other than losing more and more friends. i used to have the naive thoughts that if we hold on to what we think is right, nothing can actually go wrong. however, what i've jus experienced proved me wrong. friends come and friends go. i clearly understand that.

to you, if u think that what i said juz now was meant to be a scolding, so be it. i'm not going to explain to you cuz u are old enough and i believe that you dun need other people to teach you how to think. but somehow i'm dissatisfied. by comprehending what i said in a negative way followed by blasting at me in the canteen clearly showed now childish and thoughtless u are. come on, you dun need me to remind you that u're already 17 this year!!

have been thinking really a lot these days. my future particularly. i know it is really unrealistic thinking of getting a scholarship to study overseas after 'a'levels. with the kind of academic ability that i'm having now, there's no doubt that i dun meet the cut. but i think it's better than not having a dream at all. jus read these lines from somewhere few days ago;

it's good to dream. if your dream fails you, at least you still have the reality to catch you.
however, if you do not dream at all, even the reality will deny you.

quite meaningful huh.

so yea. that's all for this time round.

Date: Monday, October 17, 2005
Time: 2:35:00 PM

after exams!!

Jus realised that I have not blogged since September. Intuition tells me that if I dun do something about it, my blog is gonna be really dead.
Yea, feeling relaxed and happy for finally coming to the end of j1. no more tests, stress, pressure for the coming few weeks. (op is not counted cuz I actually find myself having great fun doing pw!!) and we have already got back all the papers on last Monday. I was surprised that I have managed to survive all the papers. And to my utter disbelief, I am among those who can secure our scholarships without having to receive warning from moe. Nevertheless, I dont feel particularly good about it. I think Im jus lucky. I feel that the whole thing seems more like a matter of luck rather than a matter of true performance.

So what if I managed to pass all the papers? And so what if I managed to secure my scholarship? Im not contented at all! I could have done so much better. I know my own capacity and ability. If only I was given a little more time to study, if only I have put in a little more effort to prepare, I know I would have done so much better than this. I know there s no point lamenting over the past now. Learn from the lesson, and make sure that I dun repeat my mistakes again next year is what I should do now.
Yes, I know I can do it, and Im not gonna lead a mundane life in the future. Im gonna make it BIG!! Haha.

And to my dear frens, I know I have no rights, nor do I care, to intervene in your way of doing things. However, one thing I must say is that Im getting more and more irritated with the kind of attitude that u are adopting. U simply have no foresights, no ambition, let alone talk about ur future. I think it s really time for you to think about how u wanna go from here. U should have started to think about this after common tests. Now, sad to say, it s already too late. If u urself dun wanna respect urself, there is no way other people will show u respect. and Im sorry to say that u dun win my respect at all.
I know I sound mean and harsh here but I jus cant stand guys who are lame and useless.
And stop giving lame excuses that u dint do well becus u are not as disciplined as the rest of us. It ultimately boils down to ur own attitude problem. Everybody has discipline problem. The important part lies whether u know what to do to make up after that. Do u sacrifice few sleeping hours to finish your uncompleted work? Or do u jus borrow ur frens' work and copy like nothing has happened? I think u are jus deceiving urselves by doing that. Frens, where do u wanna go from here, u gotta make the decision urself.

I am thinking about the analogy that mrs tan used to inspire us during gp lesson that day. Yes. One s self-worth cant be determined by what other people do to u or how other people perceive u. Cuz at the end of the day, u are still u. quite true huh. However, does it mean we can jus dont care about other people s comments at all? I think no. I think we should not be affected too much by others, but paradoxically, we should take in what is good for us to improve ourselves. Acquisition of wisdom is required to do well in this and Im still learning.

Hmmz. Now is really the time for me to take a good break. Will spend my holidays wisely and try to catch up in whatever Im lagging behind.

And people, jia you ok? Take a good break and we shall start afresh for j2 next year.
bye…

Oh yes to YOU if u happen to come across my blog. U suck ok? U r not only despicable, and I think u should work harder to improve on your integrity. And I shall not talk about u anymore or else Im gonna start swearing like nobody s business. Sucker, u are simply disgusting!!!!!!!!!
and i'm happy that we have never met, and i pray hard so that we will also not meet in the future. cuz i seriously dun wanna get my life polluted becuz of a disgusting sucker.